Bad Sex

Every day we read of workplace executive dismissals based on the alleged malefactor having sex under circumstances the bosses condemn (sometimes it’s a boss!) Usually it’s a man having forbidden sex with a woman. But not always. Let’s call it by the shorthand “bad sex,” not referring to the quality of the intended orgasm but referring to the consequences.

Here are some varieties of bad sex:

coercive: Never ok. Coercing someone to have sex ought to land you in Rikers Island if you are in New York.

with an employee you supervise: Impermissible. This is just a step below coercion. The ordinary assumption is that the answer would be no but for the liaison occurring with your boss.

outside a marriage: Here we get into nuance. Marriages take different forms. There are marriages referred to as “open” marriages where the parties hate each other or at least have lost interest but stick together usually “for the sake of the children.” This excuse loses sight of the fact that the children can be hurt when their parents are perceived by the children as being the cause of unhappy parents. Also, for this excuse to work each participants in bad sex has to have a nonmarriage marriage where sex outside the marriage is approved.

both participants are unmarried. If neither person supervises the other this would be ok except for company rules forbidding “fraternization” in the workplace. The anti fraternization rules go against human nature. Where is he or she going to meet someone? On the subway? In the liquor store? On the corner waiting for the light to change? You like the Xerox guy on the fifth floor and you work as a server in the lunchroom. What’s wrong with you two having a date or taking French lessons together at the Lycee Francais? (An extraordinary model I know was approached by a well-dressed gentleman while waiting for a light. The gentleman said, “I’d do you in Macy’s window!” The model replied, “Thank you.”)

at an orgy. Are you kidding? That’s what they are there for!

at the suggestion of a therapist. It seems that anyone can hang out a therapist shingle these days even though state law requires more. This reminds me of the patient who says to the psychiatrist, “Kiss me Doctor!!” whereupon the psychiatrist says, “Kiss you? I shouldn't even be on the couch with you!”

contravening scripture. For religious folks this can be dispositive. After a sermon, the pastor greeted a congregant. The pastor said, “While I was delivering my sermon you appeared quizzical until at one point you lit up as though a switch went on.” “Yes,” said the parishioner. “I forgot where I left my umbrella and was trying to remember. When you said ‘thou shalt not commit adultery,’ I remembered.”

I don’t think that having bad sex should be a hanging offense.